I've heard of people spending 8 years finishing their PhD. When I was an overachieving undergraduate I would turn my wet noobish nose at these "lazy sloths of science". I mean clearly, CLEARLY these people were just sitting around the nespresso machine and had never touched a pipette. Then I met science. Not the kind of science you read about in books, nor the kind in movies where lethal diseases can be vaccinated before the well groomed scientist in the heels rushes out to dinner with Brad Pitt. Science - the mysterious mush of the unknown. And everyday since I have been filled with the uncomfortable thought that it is out to get me.
I think I always knew I would be a scientist. When I was two I asked my dad where the light went when you switched it off. The feeling that I get when people ask what I do is a bit, I imagine, how Rocky Balboa felt when he reached the top of the stairs. I say imagine because I am not so skilled with the running thing, or the walking thing for that matter. " Ooh a scientist" they coo. "So what does that entail? "Then, as I explain enthusiastically I watch their eyes glaze over. But it doesn't matter for I am a scientist!
It was a natural progression then that I would do my PhD and about a month ago, I registered. But as much as I love what I do, I cannot shake the feeling of dread that I do not have what it takes. Science, it turns out is not just experiments and research and questions and answers - all things I am good at. Instead these things are only a tiny proportion of overall career. Much of science is being a glorified hobo begging the likes of Bill Gates for money. Slowly we add accountant to our resume. Not something I even remotely wanted to do with my life.
Then there is the never ending politics. If someone gives you a plasmid ( basically just a tiny nothing snip of DNA) and they are a big shot but did no other work for the project you were working on, they must be an author on your paper while someone else, who probably did a huge chunk of work gets bumped to acknowledgements because they only have a honours or something. Is it fair? Nope. Will it change? Nope. Getting bounced around by huge egos is they way it works and as your research gets into bigger journals so the pressure to bow down increases. Politician. Right, another thing I never studied.
Marketing is another huge part of research. So many Cell and Nature papers show obvious things. Things that are by no means innovative but they are repackaged in the most amazing story. It's a bit like Shades of Grey. BEST MARKETING STUNT EVER. It's porn in Mills and Boon form; both of which have been around forever; not innovative just repackaged. Generally scientists became scientists so they could be swathed in the warm comfort of no social contact. Instead we must become advertisers and more and more dolly our science up because bar charts are no longer enough. In fact infographics with 42 keys are the only way to go. Promotions....I can *gulp* do this.
It is not hard work I am afraid of, in fact I revel in it. However no matter how hard one works, it is never enough for the prying eyes of the PhDs whose whole life is devoted to the lab. They eat there, sleep there, probably don't have a shower very often and then casually claim that anyone who is exercising or going home to a partner/child is simply weak. Having a life is just not okay. So as if all the pressure from the additional careers that we have taken on isn't enough, our own peers are constantly trying to undermine us. It's a cut-throat world - and you just thought it was like an episode of big bang theory.
The worst part of all this is that the two year old, the one who was so inquisitive about the world around her, is slowly receding into her shell. She fears speaking out lest her ideas be stolen from her or someone attacks her dreams of discovery. Galileo was killed by the church and I still think he had it easy.
